This morning I feel…down.

Everything feels like an extension of yesterday’s vibes.

Same old blue sky.

Still that terrible feeling hanging around. Kinda like Groundhog day, like I keep opening the door and I step through and I’m back here again. Over and over.

I’m sure life isn’t meant to feel like this, like some sort of certain doom, everything feels so tasteless, unfufilling, going around and around and around in one. big. cycle.

My fingers are sore from nail biting and skin chewing, and I can’t be arsed with going to work, and I don’t think I’ll get a new job any time soon. So I’m going to be poor, unfufilled, and trapped forever more.

Today I feel like death warmed up, and I’d rather not do anything ever again and just curl up and sleep or something. Then again I did go to bed quite early but I didn’t sleep too well, since my throat became dry from breathing through my mouth and I’ve now reached the shit stage. Which is the bunged up I’m going to blow green gunk out my nose phase.

Oh gawd, how am I going to get through today? I’m destined to FAIL aren’t I? All I need is to either faint or have a panic attack and I’m sure guaranteed not to get hired.

Urghh I feel like no matter how much I blow my nose it always feels bunged up and I don’t want to end up with a red nose from excessive nose blowing, and ohh feckkkinggg hell.

My life hates me. I’m sure it does, there can be no other reason why it has such impeccable timing.

In other news! God bless LastFM folks, someone sorted me an mp3 of that Mansun track I was trying to hunt down. See what I mean about little gestures you do in your life that may make someone’s day? I post saying if anyone had the track and someone just took a few peoples to upload the file and send me a message. Costs nothing to them but helps to make my day a little shinier.

Oh god this is going to go horribly I can just sense it.

Now I feel sick from eating.

Garghhhhhhhh

>_<

This morning’s opening features coco pops, tea and the uplifting sounds of The Smiths.

So I crashed really early yesterday and I may have finally forced myself to get some sleep, despite the struggle due to cold feet issues and generally being cold, and even then I snapped wide awake before my alarm was due to go off. I guess I can look on the bright side, I technically don’t feel sleep deprived for once before work, that’s a pretty rare moment - one I should probably savour.

Work…

It feels odd to go back to this routine of the olde daily grind, well not really odd, it’s like you get use to doing one thing, then another thing, then you get thrown back to doing the old thing again and you just got to get on with it. Which, isn’t that bad except if I remember rightly I was getting so bored of my current job, that I was being extremely passive and I was actually mentally struggling to get through the day because of the monotony.

One more sleep and I’m fecking off to Leeds for the weekend anyway. There I shall probably eat sushi and socialise with real human beings who actually may want my company for a short while, which kicks the shit over being here and so bored out of my fucking skull I just realised I am now currently up to date with watching Scrubs. And I can ensure you I am neither proud or thrilled that I was that bored/sad/oh woe is me enough to cane through that many Scrubs episodes in such a small space of time.

Maybe I place too much of a heavy emphasis on other people around me;

“In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?”

Who knows.

Off I go anyway, to the daily grind…grind grind grind….grind grind grind grind grind grind grind…

It’s hard to keep your morale up when you feel like your body is falling apart bit by bit.

Oh and not to mention the fact you’ve just had to given up a weekend of fun and frolics because you didn’t have any any any any choice in the matter.

(more…)

Seriously.

Does life get such a sadistic thrill out of fucking with me?

How you get from one point to another…

Like for example - how did I end up befriending all the people I know now and then not only end up to going to gigs, festivals with them but also a holiday?

How do you get from nothing to something?

On the flip side, how about friends you thought you would stay friends with forever, how do you just drift apart?

How do you get from something to nothing?

Thinking back to my last post about balance and karma and so forth, it’s amazing to think how everything on this sorry ass existence just fits together - how things work out and how things don’t, how the thing you think was most likely to happen doesn’t and the thing that isn’t most likely does. And the things that make sense they just work as they should, and the things that don’t just confuddle us.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could look at everything around you and be filled with a sense of understanding? That you get why A slots in with B and causes C that impacts on A and B in return. But I guess the point is that the reason things turn out the way they do is that it’s because you don’t understand it. It’s because you’re letting things just…flow…

It’s like…if you don’t actually concentrate, then everything just becomes a lot more clearer.

Isn’t life odd like that?

Brought tickets to see Dylan Moran in London in December ^_^

I feel like squeeeing, I should squeee.

SQQUEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!

Anyway…enough of that…need to focus on feeling so stuck in my life. And working out how to get unstuck.

*woeful sigh*