I’m restless.

I can’t even pick music I feel like listening to, though I’ve seemingly settled on some K’s Choice for now.

I went to some gardens nearish me, it’s changed lots, well not really it seems to be in development again, as in new gardens I’m guessing and there’s a new section of buildings being constructed too. Interesting. But yeah, I went there with the intent of doing what I always do now these days, find somewhere to sit down with a brew (and in this case some cream tea action), then get out my notebook and just write.

These days I’m not even sure what the writing achieves, but I enjoy it, and I think it’s a good way of clearing out the junk in my head. Same way as use this blog I guess.

I don’t know.

I’ve been saying that a lot lately. And and I think I figured out that the reason I keep going away somewhere to write is because I’m expecting to find the answers that I’ve been seeking for a long time to suddenly appear out of no where. But answers can’t be found, they have to find you, else I’m sure I would have found them by now. Unless the answers have been here all along, and I’ve just ignored them…?

Ugh. I’m just generally finding it hard living with my mind/brain/conciousness at the moment. And I’m still sleeping really lightly too, so I don’t feel like I’m getting a proper night’s sleep. And I’ve been awful and chewing off my nails on by one.

I don’t know.

I wish I was a duck, a life of a duck would be so much easier.