I’m in a random mood today, a sort of mood where I want to just write a load of incoherent thoughts for the hell of it.

I’m in such a great mood about photography at the minute, everything feels great. Some days I feel so run down by my projects, and my mind is a blank - but I like how I’m able to somehow find something to do. I really feel I can do this, it’s like the one thing I feel some sort of success over at the moment. It’s almost like all my flaws aren’t flaws any more.

I know I can annoy people and look the most oddest person ever when I’m carrying my camera about, taking it out, shooting something weird. But meh I don’t care, though it’s nice when you get someone who doesn’t mind, in fact almost encourage you to do it. But I think this is a vibe that really only other photographers get. Sometime it’s not easy, really, especially if you’re faced with a lot of strange looks or grumpy faces ha.

I was thinking about what sort of lens to get next, I think I’d love an awesome zoom lens, just to have a go at this whole candid street photography milarky. Or I could get a badass wide angle lens for all those cool scenary/group shots I could do. Though really I would love a wonderful portrait lens, the 50mm f1.8 is bloody nice for that as it is, but I just want something a bit more versatile that doesn’t have a fixed focal length.

Definitely getting a wireless remote asap, might be a wait, but I am just tired of having that wire. And it’ll let me do things like water related stuff without fear, and I won’t be restricted by a silly wire.

God I wish I would stop biting my nails, I’ve totally reverted back, my fingers are sore all the time. My nails look ugly, it’s terrible.

I’m listening to Up the downstair by Porcupine Tree, not a bad album, it’s definitely an album you have to listen to as a whole. Very instrumentally, some great music going on though, very proggy. Really liking it, Porcupine Tree has always been a band that I can’t seem to tire of.
Off to the pub in a mo, it’s meant to be quiz but also some allowance for some catch up, I feel a bit knackered and hence somewhat passive in mood though.

Downloading Long Way Down to enjoy <3 think its about time I actually watch it.

Just finished catching up with my flickr contacts, comments etc etc etc - god it’s kinda been a chore, but one that’s secretly delicious and I don’t mind really…

Oh, the above photo is by fellow ThreeSixtyFiver Chloe, she’s a little crazy and I love her feed because it never fails to make me giggle inside. She’s only seventeen but she’s full of life and donned with her little point and shoot already proving to be a bit of a budding photographer.

None the less, I do feel like my photography lately is lacking, I’m so busy rushing around to actually take time to stop and think about what I’m shooting and how and even why. I feel like I’ve reached a kinda certain restraint when I’m out and about with my camera, I almost feel…self concious? I’m not sure. But I don’t like this feeling, and I need to break down these mental walls I’ve begun to build for myself.

Today during my break at work, I was just finishing my sandwich on a bench, and I saw this guy carrying a dslr (maybe a canon), he walked along, then stopped by this random guy sat at a table and he must have just asked him quickly if he could take a photo - then he did, and just carried along on his way. I loved that, I loved how casual and relaxed he was in doing it, and without fear.

And on that note I’m off to shoot my threesixtyfive, no ideas yet, but I’m sure I will think of something. It’s the last day of smiles! So shall see…

Hmm I should do a photography lighting course too, that would be ace.

Ah a catch up list is called for methinks…

• Been away for the weekend, was most enjoyable involving the likes of bowling (my arm hurts and I suck), cooking (pasta goodness), baking (CAKE!), maybe some wine (only with the food…and cooking), swings (Weeee!) and some tasty tasty sushi (while having to feed a invalid who couldn’t use chopsticks ;P)
• Financially bollocked - no spending! Apart from on petrol (bloody money water) and maybe if I go for a drink in the weekend.
• Just got a lovely letter from the Student loans company, oh yes, you now owe us £99999999999999999, 9247897483467893y4893278327, 9324793490374 more moneh than you did last year. Soz
• Feeling good about photography lately, new people seem to be acknowledging my ability which is nice. Plus Leon loves the photos from the wedding I took, so that’s kinda making me feel more encouraged to head towards shooting weddings. I do need to get some skills/training in handling flash though. I like it that something I’ve created can make people smile, and that I would be capturing something simple and wonderful.
• I need to find a quick way of making money (without selling ones body and self respect)
• Need to stop chewing my nails gargh
• Start new position tomorrow, welcome to the world of early starts again - oh heck

Yeah I think I’m quite busy at the moment, still generally bored though, I mean my to do list is overflowing, but it’s all just your every day boring random tasks. There’s no real excitement - le sigh.

Twitter is peving me off because it won’t let me twitter from my phone telling me my pin is invalid, when I don’t have a pin set - what a gayer. Plus they seem to be having problems in general and turned out their api stuff - get your act together twitter!

Ah I better go and do stuff and try not to spend money by just existing, plus I want to do a cloning shot today for 365…

Seven days of smiling, starting from today - six more days of smiles and colour to come.

Because life is just hard enough as it is without having to feel shit too.

Someone asked in the ThreeSixtyFive group how it was going. It’s interesting to see other people’s experiences with it. I myself feel a bit odd, I started the project originally as something to do with my time as I was unemployed and all, but now - it’s evolved into something else.

How am I?
Today I’m alright, I’m a bit screwed for money though - but I’m still feeling kinda good. This could change by the end of the evening tho, I’m weird like that, I still have to do today’s shot - but will worry bout that in a mo

How have I found it?
It’s been fun, there’s been some really really hard moments, and then some really wonderful ones too. It’s weird, this project has become second nature to me, almost part of my life ha.

What does it mean to me?
I don’t know, I guess it’s been quite important test of character - it tests my patience, my creativity, my persistence, my endurance - I want to finish this and feel proud about it.

What have I learnt?
That I can, and most probably will, do a lot of insane stuff just the sake of a photo…Oh and please - note to self - …don’t grin…ever…again

Therapy or noose?
A bit of both, the strain and pressure of keeping it going is hard, but photography is always therapeutic.

How’s it goin?
S’alright, today I don’t feel very motivated though.

Is it still FUN?
Yes, this group/community helps to keep the fun going

Is it worth it?
I hope so!

What do you want to get out of your remaining time?
I want to be more daring with my shots

would you do it AGAIN?
Nah, only because I’ve been there and done that. Plus two years worth of photos of just my ogly mug just might scream VAINN to people ;)

Has it changed your perception of ‘you’?
I guess so, it’s hard not to take so many photos of yourself and not learn anything new from it.

—-

I’m not sure what I’ll do next after this project and Photo a day finish too. I want to do something that makes me stick my neck out - I want something that stops me feeling so self concious when I have my camera out in public, like an event or something. I want to eradicate that vibe.

Anyywayy, Sime surprised me by having doubts about ThreeSixtyFive, and I thought “Hell nooo am I letting him quit!” - It’s his fault I’ve ended up in this mess project! Sime dude - don’t ever quit. Else I’m hunting you down and biatch slappin yo ass!

Mwhaha! I think I’m finally free of the curse of the pox, and most importantly I got through the weekend of knowing I should have been in a field…(Though I was talking to Nick last night and actually I might have been better off with the Pox than being at Download (then again I did miss KISS who sounded awesome :() what with the crazy shit that went on.)

(more…)

I had an idea brewing in mind for ages now, and today I actually talked it through with Uka/Nic for the first time. Since we were chatting about his new camera and considering trying to do a double exposure project.

Anyhow my idea was to have a few photographers, probably our fellow flickr friends etc to shoot a photo of themselves holding an A4 frame, then each image would be ’shopped together inside each other, in a series of shots that link together and eventually loop round.

Then I was going to take it the next stage up, and somehow in flash produce a looped flash version of this, so you could scroll through each image, or go backwards, and it would loop over and be never ending. This was inspired from a the infinite oz flash I have seen, amazing visuals, insane detail - amazing. Anyway I was discussing with Nic the logic of how to make images loop around like that, and he was very handy in thinking through a work around with me.

I don’t know how some people do it, it’s like this is how I know I could never be a proper hardcore dev or programmer, their minds just work a certain way, they see things in a certain angle that makes them come up with such solutions I could never ever thought of. I mean I consider myself a reasonable problem solver but some people just take the biscuit. THAT’S why they’re hardcore geeky devs or technical geniuses.

So yeah, after discussion with Nic, I’m so going to try this idea out, but with just images of myself first, it’s still going to be hard though. Hmm…

Oh and in other news…LEMMINGS ON THE DS!! Sqeee!

Yes…ahem..portfolio, I know.

BRB. Going to play in ’shop