I’m in a random mood today, a sort of mood where I want to just write a load of incoherent thoughts for the hell of it.

I’m in such a great mood about photography at the minute, everything feels great. Some days I feel so run down by my projects, and my mind is a blank - but I like how I’m able to somehow find something to do. I really feel I can do this, it’s like the one thing I feel some sort of success over at the moment. It’s almost like all my flaws aren’t flaws any more.

I know I can annoy people and look the most oddest person ever when I’m carrying my camera about, taking it out, shooting something weird. But meh I don’t care, though it’s nice when you get someone who doesn’t mind, in fact almost encourage you to do it. But I think this is a vibe that really only other photographers get. Sometime it’s not easy, really, especially if you’re faced with a lot of strange looks or grumpy faces ha.

I was thinking about what sort of lens to get next, I think I’d love an awesome zoom lens, just to have a go at this whole candid street photography milarky. Or I could get a badass wide angle lens for all those cool scenary/group shots I could do. Though really I would love a wonderful portrait lens, the 50mm f1.8 is bloody nice for that as it is, but I just want something a bit more versatile that doesn’t have a fixed focal length.

Definitely getting a wireless remote asap, might be a wait, but I am just tired of having that wire. And it’ll let me do things like water related stuff without fear, and I won’t be restricted by a silly wire.

God I wish I would stop biting my nails, I’ve totally reverted back, my fingers are sore all the time. My nails look ugly, it’s terrible.

I’m listening to Up the downstair by Porcupine Tree, not a bad album, it’s definitely an album you have to listen to as a whole. Very instrumentally, some great music going on though, very proggy. Really liking it, Porcupine Tree has always been a band that I can’t seem to tire of.
Off to the pub in a mo, it’s meant to be quiz but also some allowance for some catch up, I feel a bit knackered and hence somewhat passive in mood though.

Downloading Long Way Down to enjoy <3 think its about time I actually watch it.

I feel rough this morning, really exhausted and worn out - is very odd. Then again I didn’t go to bed till quite lateish after giving The World Ends with you a crack on the DS. It’s very confusing. My guess is my body doesn’t quite like the coffee overdose.

Plus today I feel like I have a zillion annoying jobs to do that I don’t want to do because they might be scary and annoying and awkward. And I’ll go grr from trying to do them. BUT! Must try stick with the lists, got tp carry on with this productivity and all.

Everyone seems to be buzzing from the London Radiohead gigs, ah reminds me of that wonderful post gig buzz, when you come out from such an awesome gig that you’re still high from it for the week after - that it gives you this new refreshed love for the band. I miss that :( I want gigs dammit. Heh I remember last year where I just went to so many gigs - oh those were the glory days.

Bands I would still like to see

• Portishead (I was so stupid to miss them last time they played :()
• PJ Harvey
• Tori Amos (again I missed my chance :()
• Ours! (I’m soo flying to new york one day just to do that)
• Mansun (hey they might reform)
• My Vitriol
• Kidneythieves (please reform)
• Explosions in the sky
• 65daysofstatic
• Bush (never going to happen oh well)

Right, must get these jobs done before the weekend.

Am so easily amused.

lolnin.com

Bravely I look further than I see
Knowing things I know I cannot be, not now
I’m so aware of where I am, but I don’t know where that is
And there’s something right in front of me and I

Touch the fingers of my hand
And I wonder if it’s me
Holding on and on to Theories of prosperity
Someone who can promise me
I believe in me

Tomorrow I was nothing, yesterday I’ll be
Time has fooled me into thinking it’s a part of me
Nothing in this room but empty space
No me, no world, no mind, no face

Touch the fingers of my hand and tell me if it’s me
Holding on and on to Love, what else is real
A religion that appeals to me, oh
I believe in me

Can you turn me off for just a second, please
Turn me into something faceless, weightless, mindless, homeless
Vacuum state of peace

On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me
On and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me

Wait for me, I’m nothing on my own
I’m willing to go on, but not alone, not now
I’m so aware of everything, but nothing seems for real and
As long as you’re in front of me then I’ll

I watch the fingers of our hands
And I’m grateful that it’s me
Holding on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on
I believe in me

I’m willing to go on but not alone, not now
I’m so aware of everything

- K’s Choice

Better if I could find the words to say
Whenever I take a choice it turns away

I’m worn, tired of my mind
I’m worn out, thinking of why
I’m always so unsure

I battle my thoughts I find I can’t explain
I’ve travelled so far but somehow feel the same

I’m worn, tired of my mind
I’m worn out, thinking of why
I’m always so unsure
I’m always so unsure

I’m worn, tired of my mind
I’m worn out, thinking of why
I’m always so unsure
I’m always so unsure

I’m always so unsure
I’m always so unsure
I’m always so unsure
I’m always so unsure

I am alive when I sleep
Why am I not in all that I got?
I can’t find no one to blame

Stand, stand, damned one
Damned one
Damned one
Damned one

I am one
Damned
One

Where do I go?

- Portishead

Today I break the spell that’s had it’s hold over me.

Fuck the world cause I’m off to the shop to buy ingredients and then I’m going to cook myself an awesome pasta dinner. With chicken, bacon, some cream onion and garlic for the sauce. Phower.

How on earth did I manage to stay in this house for a week without going nuts…no wait…I did go nuts.

Moral of the story or something. If you have kids, please please either get them jabs or rub their faces all over the first chicken poxed child you see. They’ll thank you for it a in twenty three years time when they don’t end up with the disease three days before they have to go to a music festival.

So anyway.

I can’t wait till next weekend, because I’m going to get to see some friends, maybe get some sushi, maybe go to nandos, maybe have a catch up drink - and then the weekend after that I get to go away again ^_^ *touch wood*.

So yeah, I’m pretty confident that no new pox have spawned and all current ones are scabby scab scab - so risk of infection is very low now.

I really love this Feeder album, Pushing the senses, it’s very not like their early stuff, but it feels like the perfect album to listen to at the moment - a bit mellow, a bit backgroundy, and Feeder reminds me of the summer.

Oh and it’s Paul’s birthday today, Happy birthday to him! I owe that man a pint I think.

Get up
Stop beating yourself up
These are the things that you know will just hurt
Don’t let ‘em
Weaken your heart
You’ve been here before and you swore that you would
Get up
Begin to start
These are the things that you want to remember
Remember
Why
Tell me why
Must I wait around to find out that I’m dying
By wasting time
Man you should have seen her
Man you should have come
Maybe when you wake you’ll sleep because
Get up
Stop beating yourself
These are the things you know will just hurt
Don’t let ‘em
Weaken your heart
You’ve been here before and you swore
That you would
Get up begin to start
These are the things
These are the things
These are the things that you want to remember
Remember
Remember
Get up
Man you should have seen her
The weight rolled off her back
Gave so much love
Without even trying
Man you should have seen her
Was beautiful like rain
To weather all the world
And stay the same
Stay the same
Man you would have loved
Man you would have loved
Get up

- Ours

I love the lyrics to this track, there’s something sad but uplifting about them.

Mmm new stuff *sniffs*