Mental isolation is starting to send me mad now.

As in uh oh, I’m going to either go bonkers or depressed if I don’t see another human being that isn’t my parents within the next few days. I can’t still be contagious after FIVE DAYS right? I’m all scabby and everything. Scabby is good, scabby means less likely to be infectious. But yeah so far most people have still been ‘Oh NO THAT’S HORRIBLE NEWS, I HOPE YOU GET BETTTER…oh no sorry I’m not going to come near you because I don’t want it!!111!1!`13i612476uibweut!!” - feckers. I’ll blame you lot then when I go mad or get manically depressed.

When I’m better I’m going to hug everyone, and it can be like a chicken pox roulette, oh ho ho will you get it? Who knows? Traa laa laa….

Might help myself if I stop watching so many head screwy films, then again I got Blade runner on the line up (that’s if it ever actually finishes downloading dammit) and I did just finish Slam by Nick Hornby, which turned out to be a bit of a let down. I don’t know it was an odd book. It was like he pretty much gave away the main events in the storyline, so it didn’t feel like there were no surprises, and then gave you the filler parts. Plus it lacked a kinda closure you tend to get from finishing a book or story. That certain satisfaction that you feel like you came away with something, anything at all, after the experience.

I want some more Discworld dammit, where am I going to borrow the rest of the series from? Hmmm…

God dammit I’m so restless, this is the point where I’d pick up the phone, ring David and ask him what he was up to, and whether he wanted to go to the pub or something. Though unfortunately I’m still in mild isolation, and even if David has already had pox, he works in a school, I don’t want to casually cause a pox epidemic there.

Looks like an evening of more scrubs and me then.

Would there be some sort of strange irony if I ended up working at the job centre?

I mean seriously, there’s some job openings and I’m actually going to apply for them (even though the application form is like the form from hell.) Gay I need to try something anyhow.

I’m so stuck yet so relaxed at the same time.

Am going to try and take advantage of chilled out relaxed vibe and GTD for once.

I have reached Day 183 in ThreeSixtyFive - halfway through, can you believe it?

Good news in one way, not in another.

Time sure does fly when you take photos.

I think I’m going to watch some Monster to pass away the evening before reading some books. Now…do I go for some light hearted Nick Hornby action or get in touch with my female inside and read PS. I love you? *shrugs* I actually really want to read some more discworld but I’ve lost my source for borrowing the books. Dammit.

Ordered lowepro nova 2 aw and a new tripod after breaking the leg of mine shooting 365 :/ ahhh it was only a cheapo one from ebuyer that I got years ago. It’s cool.

I’m hungry

I like rereading things I’ve written, I mean stuff like blog entries and event entries - the same as looking back on photos. I don’t know, I think it’s the idea that it helps me not to forget stuff, and it also reminds me of how I was feeling around a certain time.

I skimmed right back in this current blog to the period where I was working in the job I thought would sort me out. And I wasn’t I don’t know…I didn’t have any closure around that period of time either.

I guess what I’m really reallly trying to say here is…I keep thinking that a proper job will sort me out, like it’d give me that dying sense of closure I’ve been craving for a long time now. I’m placing so much pressure on myself over this, I’m trying so hard to play this ‘I’ve grown up now’ card. But I haven’t, haven’t at all. And I don’t think I ever could.

I’m going to requote something I already posted because it’s applicable now.

“I couldn’t say why; it felt like more than having gone through a period of mourning and come out the other side, and more than just having reassessed my own woes and decided they were slight compared to what other people had to bear; it felt like faith, like revelation: that things went on, that life ground on regardless, and mindless, and produced pain and pleasure and hope and fear and joy and despair, and you dodged some of it and you sought some of it and sometimes you could plan your way ahead and that would be the right thing to have done, but other times all you could do was forget plans and just be ready to react, and sometimes the obvious was true and sometimes it wasn’t, and sometimes experience helped but not always, and it was all luck, fate, in the end; you lived, and you waited to see what happened, and you would rarely ever be sure that what you had done was really the right thing or the wrong thing, because things can always be better, and things can always be worse.”

- Espedair Street by Iain Banks

Why is it that everyone seems so much more prepared for the future than me? Like…they just seem so….sorted out. And I’m just all…I don’t know, still a drifting around ‘for the moment’ kinda gal. No I don’t seem to have a secure foundation for my future and I’m approaching a point in my life where i should be.

But fact of the matter is…I don’t care about any of that…and that’s the problem. So what if I get a job. What does that all mean ultimately? All I’ll do it just continue to wing it and use the money to live a frivolous life of adventure.

Five days until pay day.
Five days until theatre!!
Five days until LUNNDUNNN.
Five days until I can buy my download ticket.

I don’t have a book yet but one ThreeSixtyFiver has, and she took this for another amazing ThreeSixtyFiver Karen. But weeee look I’m there!

Sime (mucho Kudos to the guy!) finally got round to finishing the midway book featuring shots from the first 100days of people from within the group.

If you really want, you can order it from here - I would buy my own copy but alas I’m so poor at the moment (again even after being paid), but yours truly should be in it. Woot.

Hmm does this count as being a published photographer? Haha…

So after finishing the book, I downloaded and watched the film sharpish afterwards.  As usual with film versions of books I was expecting it to be torn apart. But was quite surprised to find that the film was kinda like a simplified version of the book’s plot.

Spoilerisms to come about both film and book

(more…)

Slumping on a sofa, reading the rest of Hannibal Rising to the sounds of Radiohead dancing in the background. It’s moments like this that you just realise that slowing down and just letting things flow is the best thing in the world.

So I finished reading Hannibal rising, in fact I completely slaughtered the last part of the book this evening, and I love it. There’s a certain beauty about the tale that I can’t quite understand but I know it’s there. If you loved the rest of the Hannibal books then you have to read this one.

My only criticism is that some parts of the book do read like a film, with some cheesy film dialect and over dramatic scenes but I did enjoy it all the same. It makes me want to read Red Dragon again, as Hannibal Rising just gave me that same sensation as I get with reading that.

I love love love books and films that keep me thinking long after I’d finished with them, now I’m in some Six Feet Under mood.

Oh I should now download the film, I bet it’ll be another book ruined for me ha.

Weekend off work now, yay - I did have Monday off but now I agreed to work it because I’m silleh and thought an extra 30 quid towards a well needed pc/debts/life/everything would be nice.