Meet Darren

:(

Going just for the day, say hi to Alice

So the other day I applied for a credit card. Today it arrived and I took a horrific step into the scary world of credit. This wasn’t like my student loan or overdraft for my student account - oh no this is the first step into real hard adult credit. Its like playing with fire, it’ll fucking hurt if I fuck up!

So yeah today has been a mix of bad and good. First thing I did was try and activate my card and then fuck up and break it so the security got locked. Fine! Grr. Then I went to my job centre meeting and fortunately got my card sorted at the bank.

I have some tasty roast dinner and then walk about town intensely, just chilling out really. I buy a £2 bra which I was chuffed about because it was a bargain and a toothbrush. Then eventually I head to tescos for some petrol and buy some sunglasses and a sleeping top thingy. I then noticed that…I was missing a bag…the precious shopping I had purchased earlier was no where to be seen! After searching high and low I have now come to the conclusion that I’ve dropped my shopping somewhere back in town! Though I had absolutely no idea where, I mean seriously I’ve racked my brains about it but my short term memory is so poor I can’t even recall the last time I remember having my shopping. Oh well it’s only 3 quid I can deal.

Then I get home and I scratch my new sunglasses while trying to take the label off grrr, but I’ll just take em back to tescos and say that it was scratched when I got back and could I have a replacement.

But then I got to order my Leeds day ticket so Woooooo! I’m seeing NIN at a festy and also Smashing Pumpkins, how delicious. But now I am credit :( like a proper grown up and t’s scary. But thankfully the card is 6 months interest free from starting, so my plan is to pay it off with my first wage ha. I’ve so worked this out…kinda…

I did overspend today in terms of making money last till I get the pin for my credit card and for the rest of month. Ugh

Thennn my bro rings me about a dentist with places, and so yeah I finally going to be going to the dentist for the first time since I was 18 next week, I’m quite scared though….ha

Weird day, weird day…

Oh yeah I have two massive blogs in pending about my recent adventures so look out for that. Ugh so much to do so little time…

Right now, at this very moment I’d realised something quite substantial…

I can’t remember the last time I went to check the postsecret website…

Why is this such a big thing you ask? Well you see I remember a time when I never forgot to check, a time where I found something every weekend, every Sunday I’d open it up and read what’s inside. Most people who know me will know that I love that website because it’s a reminder that everyone, each one of us is human and those images were a demonstration of humanity in its most fragile exposed form - honesty.

But it’s been so long since I’ve looked…I feel bad, almost guilty…

It’s probably because I’ve been so busy of late and therefore generally forgetful - I feel bad because I feel like I’m coming one of those people who are losing touch with their humanity. Am I going to become of those people wrapped up in their own world to care for anyone else? Is this job just going to take me and swallow me up and spit me out a heartless career girl?

I know I’ve said often that I wish I could care less, and feel less, my new step in mental development is get a better hold of my emotions - keep them in check. You know…grow up a little, I can’t be ran on my emotions all the time, if I don’t take control now then I’ll be one of those people who need to talk to a counsellor or something to help keep a grip. I don’t want to be one of these people, I want control of this, I will have control.

Even if the cost is losing a part of myself, I’m worried about what I’m going to evolve into now.

I am going to check that site every week again, I mustn’t forget.

Eeeekkk

Woot!